"I wanna fly away"

Summer '99: My trip to Vancouver

I graduated from highschool in 1999. That summer I took a trip to see my aunt in North Vancouver. I was feeling restless in my neighbourhood and I wanted to go somewhere different. I was without a job and I really had nothing to do. I told my mom I wanted to go away. She arranged a trip for me knowing how restless I felt. I was to fly on my dad airmile points. (No I didn't hog them all. My dad had plenty to spare at the time). My mom bought me a couple books to read on he plane ride: Star Wars: Phantom Menace, and Red Dwarf Omnibus. I rode first class and let me tell you, it is pretty sweet. I've flown since and I can tell the difference (loath as I am to admit I agree with Jerry Seinfeld).

The first part of the trip was flying from London to Toronto, which was over in about as much time as it took to serve a snack and a couple of drinks. What was scary for me was not the flight but getting to Pearson Airport and trying to find my way to my flight. Luckily I had my wits about me and I figured it out and I got aboard the plane to Vancouver. I sat next to some kind of doctor on his way to a conference. When it came time to show the in-flight movie, they wanted us to close the blinds. He told me to keep ours open so he could do his work. Naturally, I obliged.

We got to Vancouver airport and met up with my aunt and my baby cousin, Jamie, who was only a few months old. It is embarrassing but I forgot what my luggage looked like, so we spent a good deal longer at that airport than I would have liked as IO tried to identify my luggage. I found them at last and grabbed them and went to my aunt's place. I immediately felll asleep when I got settled in.

Let me tell you, they showed me a good time. My cousin, Brett, was there for a couple of days before he went off to work in a camp. We hung out, drank slushies, watched movies. We went down to Lonsdale key and had some fun at the market. He showed me the way to the seabus, which was a kind of ferry that took you across the water to Vancouver proper. I used this ferry to make trips to downtown Vancouver where I visited Virgin records and bought a couple of cds, and I went for a walk getting a feel for the town.

Another thing I did was was I walked around the Seawall. The seawall surrounds Stanley Park and you can get quite the view of the Pacific Ocean. This was in the days when I used to walk a lot. I was in the best shape of my life. So I walked down to Lonsdale Key, caught the seabus, walked to the appropriate bus and went to Stanley Park. I walked around tthe Seawall snapping pictures as I went. I walked and walked until I realized I was going the wrong way. I had gone three quarters of the way around the seawall alright but I started following the shore instead of the wall. Instead of making the final curve, I went straight. I started walking along a beach. So I got out the map and figured out what I did wrong and how to rectify the situation. I ralized I i was more south then I wanted to be. So I traced my way to the nearest main road and huffed it north to the point where I could catch the seabus. I walked up Lonsdale road which was a steep uphill incline. I got to my aunt's place and my uncle welcomed me and snapped me a cold beer. I could have kissed him.

My aunt and uncle took me to Grousse Mountain. We went up a cable car and the sceneray was to goood to resist taking pictures. My uncle encouged me to go up the ski lift to see the view from there. Now I am afraid of heights but for the whole trip I was in an adventurous spirit. So I got on and the only thing keeping me from freaking out was taking pictures of the view!!

Speaking of adventurous, my uncle took me up in his plane, and we flew up near the mountains. This was around the time that JFK jr. died in a plane crash. As we were flying, my uncle shut off the engine and said "This must have been what JFK jr felt like as he went down" as he goes into a nose dive. I silently freaked out and my uncle laughed as he resumed flying like he was still in full possession of his sanity.

All in all it is one of the best trips I've ever been on. The first and only solo trip. I hope to make many more in the future.

"They only come out at night"

1996-97

During the summer of 1996 I learned what it was like for a teenager to go out and have fun. This was innocent fun that makes going to the bar pale in comparison. Prior to this my experience was pretty pre-adolescent in that parents seemed to be involved in some way or another in the fun being had. But this was us going out independent of parents. What was different was this was us going out at night on weekends.

Although at the time I didn't feel like the people my friends and I began to be associated with were really my friends, I would love to hang out with them again. I'm talking about Sarah, Julia, Matt, Erin, and Heather.

I remember nights walking in the cold winter at night to the bowling alley to play pool and eat dairy queen ice cream all the while playing the "tortured poet". Sometimes I'd wear a baret and I grew out a misshapen goatee. I'd always have my notebook with me so I could scribble down my thoughts in poetic language.

Another memory was going to Sarah's place and watch movies or generally party listening to loud music. I remember Heather used to put on The Smashing Pumpkins' Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, the soundtrack to my adolescence, and she would play and replay "Love".

This time period opened the door to many things. I was being pulled out of my turtle shell day by day. I felt safe walking at night with these people and eventually I felt safe walking alone knowing that I'd be with friends. It was the beginning of my creative endevours. I was learning guitar, and I was writng lots of poetry. It was not too long before the two came together and the band thing began.

"It's my party...."

May 27th, 2000. My 20th birthday.

The night before was my friend Brittany's birthday party. It was that night that my friend Weber chose to tell Jason about Sean and Georgette. Georgette, you see, was still Jason's girlfriend but she started seeing Sean. Jason wasn't exactly the figure of fidelity either, but Weber for his own reasons, sided with Jay. So that night the shit hit the fan. And the next day, my birthday, was my party where the same cast of characters were expected to show up and be sociable.

I woke up groggy from Britt's party, and went and did a poor job of doing my work at the library. I came home and took a call from Weber

"Are you sure you want me to come over, man. Some people might be really pissed off," he said. I told him that I wanted him to come no matter what would happen

The weather was perfect for the outdoor bbq party I had planned but I knew there was a storm brewing just the same. A few people including Sean and Georgette arrived when I got another phone call...from Jason.

"Are you having a party today?"
Shit. What do I say? "UH..yeah"
Shit. Shit. Shit. Not good.
"What time," he asked
"Uh, now I guess," I said having let the cat out of the bag
"Cool. I'll be by in a bit." Click.
Guess who's coming to dinner?

Well despite some obvious tension it actually worked out. Everybody was on their best behaviour. I had a good time and I guess that was the mportant thing. I don't remember any fighting although there was some obvious hostility. I am just happy nobody ruined that birthday for me because there was serious potential damage. As it is, our group of friends has never been the same.

"First date?"

So my crush on Terryl is well documented. Well it came to a head in the early summer of 2000...

Chalmers and I were driving around, and we decided to see what Sean was up to. We drove to his house and Terryl answered the door. She said Sean was out. Instead of departing, she made us feel welcome to stay and chat. So we talked for a bit and the subject of dating came up. Now I won't lie, I suffer from lack of confidence so the words that came out of my mouth were: "No girl's going to date me."
Terryl replied "I'm sure some girl will go out with you."
"Would you," I asked point blank.
I don't remember what exactly she said but it was something to the effect of she'd go on a friendly date but I wasn't to get the idea that we were boyfriend/girlfriend.
Hot diggedy-damn that was good enough for me!!

So it was arranged that we were going on a friendly date, and we'd make it a double date. Terryl with me, Jen with Chalmers. My elation soon turned to doubt. She's only doing this out of pity, I thought. I was hanging out with Sean and almost as if she read my mind , Terryl came down and said to me "I hope you don't think this is a pity date, because it's not"

I was feeling high as a kite but just like a rollercoaster you have to go up before the big come down.

Somewhere between our initial talk and the actual date, the plans evolved. Now it was a triple date. Sean and Georgette decided to join us. And they sort of took over and changed the time and place of the date. We went to the drive -in theatre instead. This meant that Chalmers, who had to work that day, couldn't make it untill the end of the first movie.

Anyway the evening came. I had gone to the Mystic Bookstore and bought Terryl a birthstone and case for it. It was my way of showing I wasn't a cheap date. I put on my"least smeggy clothes" and my cologne. I got in the van and it smelled the smell of car-freshener. The smell to this day haunts me, but at the time it smelled like victory.

We got to the theatre and that's when things went off. Jen and Terryl ran off int the woods to be all girly, leaving me to talk to Sean and Georgette. I was stil pleased as punch but I was beginning to feel the distance being placed between us, reminding me that this was a mock-date. We watched the movie Gone in 60 seconds. By the time Chalmers arrived, Jen and Terryl were sitting in the front, Sean and Georgette were in the back, and I was alone in the middle. The first movie ended and now Chamers who had just arrrived was informed that he now had to drive the girls home. He was livid, and I don't blame him.

By the this time the sadnesss began that took quite some time to heal. I should have known not to get my hopes up but when you want something so bad and something closely resembling it comes along, it is hard to resist.

I've gotten over this now. I still haven't been on a real first date but I've had things like it. Coffee with young ladies mostly. But I believe Terryl's words that I will find a girl to date. This belief has taken years to form and it is a good beginning in my war against poor self-esteem.